'Tis the season...to be jolly...to be giving...to be thankful. I am, in general, all three of those things. (At least I try to be.) And, as a general rule, I like this time of year. But I keep thinking about how this is the time, not only for joy, but for wishes. I am surrounded by people with their Christmas lists and holiday wishes. Now, I live a pretty simple life. If the cats and dogs have food in their bowls, their heaters are working and there is gas in my car to get me to work, I am feeling pretty good about things. Nevermind the special occasions when I get to buy the dogs some treats or get Alecs a new bed. Those are the really good days. But I got to thinking about what I would wish for, given the chance. Here is my list...
For Tucker, I wish that he could have the surgeries that he needs to improve his quality of life as he enters his golden years. He needs his right front elbow replaced and both of his ears flushed and resected so he can stop getting ear infections. He also needs the polyps removed by his eyes. I wish him an endless supply of tennis balls and the ability to chase them like he used to. I wish him a return of all of the love he shows in those big brown eyes of his. Mama loves you Tucka-Bubba.
For Charlie, I wish she could have the allergy testing she needs to get to the bottom of her itching problems. And I wish her an unending supply of squeaky toys and treats she can bury and save for later. I wish her all of the kindness and sweetness that she shows me and everyone around her every day of her life. I wish her the knowledge that she is my heart and soul on 4 legs and that I love her with all of my heart. Mama loves you Charlie Doggie.
For Barney, I also wish he could have allergy testing and resolution to his itching problem. I also wish for him an understanding of love and the knowledge that he IS worthy and I am not going anywhere. I am real, I will never hit him and I will love him for the rest of his life. I wish him freedom from the fears that were instilled in him for the first 9 years of his life. Mama loves you Barn Man.
For Gretchen, I wish freedom from her fears of just about everything and more of my time. Gretchen wants nothing more than to be with me whereever I go and I wish more than anything that I could give that to her. I wish for her to have an unending supply of squeaky toys to keep her busy when I can't be home. Mama loves you Gretchy Dog.
For Wrigley, I wish one of the cats would befriend her and learn that she will not hurt them. Wrigley loved to play with my cat, Brenda...carrying her around by the scruff of her neck, "chewing" on her, playing with her...and Brenda loved it too. We lost Brenda last summer when she was hit by a car and Wrigley hasn't been the same since. And I wish for my baby girl, that she always has the youthful energy and exuberance that she has now. I also wish her an unending supply of tennis balls and more of my time to throw them. Mama loves you Wriggles.
For Harry, I wish freedom from pain in his legs and for me to actually remember that he doesn't like peanut butter in his Kong. I wish him the kind of love in return that he shows me each and every day. I wish him the amazing feeling of devotion, protection and unconditional love that he shows me. And I wish him an unending supply of Rimadyl when he needs it, Glucosamine/Chondroitin for his legs and toys to tear apart.
Mama loves you Harry Man.
For Dawson, I wish peace and the same deep, almost-unfathomable love and devotion that he shows me. I wish him freedom from his joint pain and the ability to run and play forever. I wish him an unending supply of Rimadyl when he needs it and Glucosamine/Chondroitin for his legs. And I wish him all of the Scooby Snacks he could handle. Mama loves you Big D.
For Alecs, my sweet boy...I wish another year of good health and lots of cuddle time with me. I never want to imagine life without Alecs. And I wish him lots and lots of boxes to squeeze himself into. Mama loves you Buppa.
For Sarge, I wish an unending supply of my attention and Pop Tarts every morning. Mama loves you Sargie.
For Joey, I wish a final resolution to that annoying ear infection and lots and lots of scritches. Mama loves you Joseph.
For Maggie, I wish more time to run around outside and be silly. I also wish her less time with the kittens who annoy the heck out of her. Mama loves you Maggs.
For all of the rest of my kids~ I wish you health and happiness, more of my time and more of my patience. I wish you wonderful, comfortable, loving forever homes where you can live your lives in peace, with all of your needs met. Mama loves you all.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Truth About Keeping Christ in Christmas
Ok, I am on my soapbox today. The holiday season is here. Last week was Thanksgiving, only one month before Christmas. I am starting to see a lot of postings on Facebook regarding Christmas and "keeping Christ in Christmas." Apparently, President Obama announced that the decorative trees displayed at the White House this year will be referred to as "holiday trees" rather than "Christmas trees." A friend, whom I have a tremendous amount of respect for, posted this on Facebook:
Friday, November 11, 2011
Being a Fighter
Wow, it has been awhile since I have blogged. I guess life just gets too busy sometimes. Anyway...
Let me start with a disclaimer. I am not writing this today in an effort to stroke my own ego. I am not looking for sympathy or hand outs. It is just more of a reflection on the last few days and something I will be able to look back on when things are tough to try to get through those days.
Last week my car died. I don't drive anything fancy...it's a 1999 Ford Taurus station wagon. It's an old-lady car that serves the purpose of hauling animals, including my three big dogs, Wrigley, Harry & Dawson, with plenty of room to lie down. It hauls wood for heat, cat food, dog food, cat litter, furniture and whatever else I ask of it. No matter what shape it is in or how messy the interior is, it is my lifeline and the lifeline of my animals. It is essential to our survival. So, when it isn't running, the feeling of utter despair is overwhelming. But, as luck would have it, it was just the battery. When I was finally able to scrape together the $75 I needed, I bought a new battery and thought everything would be fine. It wasn't.
Fastforward to the first snowfall of the year...November 9, 2011. We didn't get a lot of snow, but it was wet and heavy. I got home from work to find that the cat fence had caved under the weight of the snow. If you know my history, you know that ventilation is an essential (critical) part of housing the cats. Without the fence in good operating condition, I cannot let the cats outside, thus potentially creating a ventilation problem. Again, a feeling of utter despair was overwhelming.
Yesterday, the car would not start again. I was leaving to go get some wood to heat the house. Without wood, there is no heat because I cannot afford the LP gas required to run the furnace (which also means I have no hot water or gas to cook with). It's a game of building a bold enough fire to burn while I am at work so the animals aren't cold. The dachshund wears a sweater and the dogs can burrow under the blankets on my bed. The cats pile on top of each other for warmth until I am home to rebuild the fire. I keep telling myself that they will be ok as long as they are out of the wind. Certainly, they have more than a lot of animals ever know. I have to focus on that.
So, faced with the prospect of having no car, no working cat fence and no wood to heat the house, I was completely defeated. I was giving up. My niece had given me a ride to my mom's so that I could get something to eat. My friend Jeanne gave me a ride home and bought me a box of fire logs to keep everyone warm for the night. Sleep was fitful with the constant worry of the car, the fence, the heat...How will I get to work? How will I get some wood? What if mom needs me? What if one of the animals has an emergency?
Two mechanic friends of mine both said the description of the car's problem sounded like a connection issue with the new battery. So, first thing this morning, I took the battery completely out and set it on the ground. I cleaned the area where the battery sits. Then, I took my toothbrush, dabbed it in baking soda and scrubbed the battery cable connections. I rinsed them and dried them. Then, I did the same to the posts on the battery itself. I put the battery back in, connected the cables and tightened them down. The bolt holding the battery in place is stripped so I found a thick plastic handle to a cat carrier and, with a few taps from the hammer, wedged it between the battery and car frame. The battery was secure. I got in the car, looked up at the sky and said, "Ok, Roy, you are the mechanic in the family. I could really use some magic right now." I turned the key and the car started. The relief was amazing.
Then I put on my rubber boots and ventured into the snow-covered cat enclosure. I assessed the problem of the fence and saw that the poles were caving in the soft ground. There was no actual damage to the fence. What a relief! So I took some steel posts from the not-yet-put-up chainlink dog fence and shored up the cat fence poles. The fence popped right back up into position and I was able to let the cats out into their enclosure again. Again, the relief was amazing.
So why am I blogging about this today? Because I learned something about myself last night. In all the despair, as I was walking through the woods at 1am looking for wood dry enough to burn, a poem from my childhood popped into my head. It's an old one that I think just about everyone has heard, but I hadn't thought about it in nearly 20 years. And suddenly, there it was when I needed it the most.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When funds are low and debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success if failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things go wrong that you must'nt quit.
I kept reciting this poem aloud as I trudged through the snow. The more I said the last two lines, the more determined I became.
I am a lot of things. I am a woman, a friend, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, an employee, a caretaker, an animal-lover...the list goes on and on, as it does for everyone else in the world. But I am also a fighter. I am a never-give-up, dig-in-my-heels, grab-on-with-my-teeth-and-never-let-go, push-through-anything, fighter. In the immortal words of Pat Benetar, "Knock me down, it's all in vain. I'll get right back on my feet again. Hit me with your best shot." I WILL bounce back. I WILL survive. I WILL find a way. There are days that I feel like my fight is gone...like the world is just too cruel...like I can't possibly find my way again. But I ALWAYS find my fight. And I ALWAYS will. I am so blessed to have friends and family who see me through those tough days and help me find that fight again. At my worst moments, when I thought I was going to lose all of the animals because I had no place to live and no job, I told my friend Becky that I had no fight left. She said, "You will find it. This is NOT over." And she was right. Three months later, I have a home and a job. It's not over until I say it's over and I am not saying that....ever. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go buy a new toothbrush. ;-)
Let me start with a disclaimer. I am not writing this today in an effort to stroke my own ego. I am not looking for sympathy or hand outs. It is just more of a reflection on the last few days and something I will be able to look back on when things are tough to try to get through those days.
Last week my car died. I don't drive anything fancy...it's a 1999 Ford Taurus station wagon. It's an old-lady car that serves the purpose of hauling animals, including my three big dogs, Wrigley, Harry & Dawson, with plenty of room to lie down. It hauls wood for heat, cat food, dog food, cat litter, furniture and whatever else I ask of it. No matter what shape it is in or how messy the interior is, it is my lifeline and the lifeline of my animals. It is essential to our survival. So, when it isn't running, the feeling of utter despair is overwhelming. But, as luck would have it, it was just the battery. When I was finally able to scrape together the $75 I needed, I bought a new battery and thought everything would be fine. It wasn't.
Fastforward to the first snowfall of the year...November 9, 2011. We didn't get a lot of snow, but it was wet and heavy. I got home from work to find that the cat fence had caved under the weight of the snow. If you know my history, you know that ventilation is an essential (critical) part of housing the cats. Without the fence in good operating condition, I cannot let the cats outside, thus potentially creating a ventilation problem. Again, a feeling of utter despair was overwhelming.
Yesterday, the car would not start again. I was leaving to go get some wood to heat the house. Without wood, there is no heat because I cannot afford the LP gas required to run the furnace (which also means I have no hot water or gas to cook with). It's a game of building a bold enough fire to burn while I am at work so the animals aren't cold. The dachshund wears a sweater and the dogs can burrow under the blankets on my bed. The cats pile on top of each other for warmth until I am home to rebuild the fire. I keep telling myself that they will be ok as long as they are out of the wind. Certainly, they have more than a lot of animals ever know. I have to focus on that.
So, faced with the prospect of having no car, no working cat fence and no wood to heat the house, I was completely defeated. I was giving up. My niece had given me a ride to my mom's so that I could get something to eat. My friend Jeanne gave me a ride home and bought me a box of fire logs to keep everyone warm for the night. Sleep was fitful with the constant worry of the car, the fence, the heat...How will I get to work? How will I get some wood? What if mom needs me? What if one of the animals has an emergency?
Two mechanic friends of mine both said the description of the car's problem sounded like a connection issue with the new battery. So, first thing this morning, I took the battery completely out and set it on the ground. I cleaned the area where the battery sits. Then, I took my toothbrush, dabbed it in baking soda and scrubbed the battery cable connections. I rinsed them and dried them. Then, I did the same to the posts on the battery itself. I put the battery back in, connected the cables and tightened them down. The bolt holding the battery in place is stripped so I found a thick plastic handle to a cat carrier and, with a few taps from the hammer, wedged it between the battery and car frame. The battery was secure. I got in the car, looked up at the sky and said, "Ok, Roy, you are the mechanic in the family. I could really use some magic right now." I turned the key and the car started. The relief was amazing.
Then I put on my rubber boots and ventured into the snow-covered cat enclosure. I assessed the problem of the fence and saw that the poles were caving in the soft ground. There was no actual damage to the fence. What a relief! So I took some steel posts from the not-yet-put-up chainlink dog fence and shored up the cat fence poles. The fence popped right back up into position and I was able to let the cats out into their enclosure again. Again, the relief was amazing.
So why am I blogging about this today? Because I learned something about myself last night. In all the despair, as I was walking through the woods at 1am looking for wood dry enough to burn, a poem from my childhood popped into my head. It's an old one that I think just about everyone has heard, but I hadn't thought about it in nearly 20 years. And suddenly, there it was when I needed it the most.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will
And the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When funds are low and debts are high
And you want to smile but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success if failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things go wrong that you must'nt quit.
I kept reciting this poem aloud as I trudged through the snow. The more I said the last two lines, the more determined I became.
I am a lot of things. I am a woman, a friend, a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a cousin, an employee, a caretaker, an animal-lover...the list goes on and on, as it does for everyone else in the world. But I am also a fighter. I am a never-give-up, dig-in-my-heels, grab-on-with-my-teeth-and-never-let-go, push-through-anything, fighter. In the immortal words of Pat Benetar, "Knock me down, it's all in vain. I'll get right back on my feet again. Hit me with your best shot." I WILL bounce back. I WILL survive. I WILL find a way. There are days that I feel like my fight is gone...like the world is just too cruel...like I can't possibly find my way again. But I ALWAYS find my fight. And I ALWAYS will. I am so blessed to have friends and family who see me through those tough days and help me find that fight again. At my worst moments, when I thought I was going to lose all of the animals because I had no place to live and no job, I told my friend Becky that I had no fight left. She said, "You will find it. This is NOT over." And she was right. Three months later, I have a home and a job. It's not over until I say it's over and I am not saying that....ever. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go buy a new toothbrush. ;-)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Punish Those Responsible for Animal Cruelty, Not Those Trying to Help
Imagine this scenario. You buy a house in a nice neighborhood where you can raise your family in safety and comfort. It’s peaceful and serene. You bring with you your neutered cat and spayed dog, both of whom you keep indoors so as not to bother anyone. Your neighbor, however, doesn’t see things quite the way you do. They have a female cat that roams the neighborhood unspayed, delivering litter after litter of kittens year after year. And when the population gets to be too much, your neighbor blocks the entrance to the house, leaving the cats outside in the cold to fend for themselves. If they live, they live. If they die, they die. It’s all part of natural selection, right? Except that, in the course of their lives, no matter how short they may be, they too are producing litter after litter of kittens. Of course, these desperate animals find their way to you and you cannot bear to see them suffer. So you give them some table scraps to start, eventually doing what is humane and setting out a bowl of food every night, perhaps even building them a small shelter so that they can be somewhat protected from the cold and rain. And one by one, as your economic situation allows, you get them spayed and neutered in an effort to try to stop the booming population. You get them vaccinated so that they may stay somewhat healthy and not spread sickness and disease among the colony. You single-handedly take on the enormous responsibility of caring for these poor animals, not because they are your pets, but because they need help and your conscience will not let you sleep at night while they sit out in the cold, hungry and suffering. You know you didn’t cause the problem. Your animals were spayed and neutered, not reproducing unchecked. Your animals were fed and cared for, not left to starve and freeze. But you know that these animals depend on someone, anyone, to have the compassion to set out a bowl of food or leave the garage door open a little so that they can seek shelter. You know you are doing the right thing and you believe, foolishly, that the people of your neighborhood who proclaim to be your friends, see things the same way. You are wrong. Caring for these cats makes them yours in the eyes of your neighbors and having these cats now makes you a hoarder and an outcast in your neighborhood. It makes you subject to harassment and sleepless night after sleepless night because these same neighbors have now set traps to capture the cats and murder them. They even go so far as to tell you that the cats are “fair game” because you have failed to control their travels. You have failed to teach the cats to read maps and respect property lines. You have failed to teach these cats to clean up after themselves when they urinate and defacate and to never do that in anyone’s garden but yours. You have failed to teach these cats to ignore their very basic hunting instincts because there are people in this world who attach more importance to the life of a songbird than the life of a cat. Shame on you. When the harassment gets to be too much and you no longer feel safe in your serene and peaceful neighborhood, you call the police. After all, they are there to serve and protect. And when the Columbia County Sheriff’s Department shows up at your door you are shocked to find that he isn’t there to protect you at all. He doesn’t hand you any kind of gratitude that you are doing a service to the community by caring for these stray animals. He doesn’t hand you any kind of reassurance that he will handle the problem and that the people who created the problem will be held accountable. What he hands you is a $228 ordinance violation ticket for animal-at-large and a 15 minute lecture on why your neighbors are upset and why you should keep your animals under control. What he hands you is more frustration, more injustice and more tears. What he hands you is unfathomable, unfair and unbelievable. All the while, the neighbors who created the problem by not taking responsibility for their one female cat so long ago, watch out the window, gossiping on the phone to the fellow neighbors about how the police were at your house and what a terrible person you are.
Do you think this doesn’t happen? It’s happening on Spring Street in Pardeeville as we speak. It happened to me and it happened to many of my friends. It’s happening every day in countless neighborhoods. And how do you avoid it? I suppose you avoid it by ignoring the plight of the suffering animals like everyone else in the neighborhood and leave them to die slow and painful deaths. But wait, isn’t that cruelty to animals? Doesn’t that violate the law? No, it doesn’t because by ignoring the cats, you are not claiming ownership of them. By not claiming ownership, you are not responsible for their well-being. If you are not responsible, you cannot be held criminally liable when they starve to death. Isn’t that nice? The anti-cruelty laws in Wisconsin (and throughout the country) are encouraging people to ignore the suffering of the animals and allow it to happen. If you get involved and try to help the helpless, you will be held responsible. You will be harassed. You will be fined. You will be the target of gossip. And the people who actually caused the problem will sit quietly, never speaking up, never taking responsibility for their stupidity and living happily ever after. Law enforcement, especially, it seems, in Columbia County, targets those who are trying to solve the problem of stray and feral cats while ignoring those who caused it. It isn't right. It isn't fair and it cannot be left this way. We must, as a society, take action to protect, not only the animals, but those who care for them. We need to thank, not crucify, those who are stepping up to take on the responsibilities that others ignore, to clean up the messes made by others simply because it is the right thing to do.
To everyone out there who is in this situation, please accept my unending gratitude on behalf of the animals that you are helping. I'm sorry our laws are against you when you are doing what is right. I'm sorry that our law enforcement agencies are so short-sighted that you are treated as the enemy when you should be hailed as the hero. Please know that some of us do see the forest for the trees. Some of us do have a grasp of reality and understand the true situation. Some of us are sleeping just a little easier tonight knowing that you are making sure these animals have food and shelter and someone who cares about them. And some of us will not rest until these injustices are corrected and those who are responsible are held accountable, not only in the eyes of the law but also in the eyes of the public. May God bless you. There is a special place in Heaven reserved for people like you. Please keep up the good work.
Do you think this doesn’t happen? It’s happening on Spring Street in Pardeeville as we speak. It happened to me and it happened to many of my friends. It’s happening every day in countless neighborhoods. And how do you avoid it? I suppose you avoid it by ignoring the plight of the suffering animals like everyone else in the neighborhood and leave them to die slow and painful deaths. But wait, isn’t that cruelty to animals? Doesn’t that violate the law? No, it doesn’t because by ignoring the cats, you are not claiming ownership of them. By not claiming ownership, you are not responsible for their well-being. If you are not responsible, you cannot be held criminally liable when they starve to death. Isn’t that nice? The anti-cruelty laws in Wisconsin (and throughout the country) are encouraging people to ignore the suffering of the animals and allow it to happen. If you get involved and try to help the helpless, you will be held responsible. You will be harassed. You will be fined. You will be the target of gossip. And the people who actually caused the problem will sit quietly, never speaking up, never taking responsibility for their stupidity and living happily ever after. Law enforcement, especially, it seems, in Columbia County, targets those who are trying to solve the problem of stray and feral cats while ignoring those who caused it. It isn't right. It isn't fair and it cannot be left this way. We must, as a society, take action to protect, not only the animals, but those who care for them. We need to thank, not crucify, those who are stepping up to take on the responsibilities that others ignore, to clean up the messes made by others simply because it is the right thing to do.
To everyone out there who is in this situation, please accept my unending gratitude on behalf of the animals that you are helping. I'm sorry our laws are against you when you are doing what is right. I'm sorry that our law enforcement agencies are so short-sighted that you are treated as the enemy when you should be hailed as the hero. Please know that some of us do see the forest for the trees. Some of us do have a grasp of reality and understand the true situation. Some of us are sleeping just a little easier tonight knowing that you are making sure these animals have food and shelter and someone who cares about them. And some of us will not rest until these injustices are corrected and those who are responsible are held accountable, not only in the eyes of the law but also in the eyes of the public. May God bless you. There is a special place in Heaven reserved for people like you. Please keep up the good work.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Why Casey Anthony is Guilty and Should Be Executed
Ok, so I am on my soapbox today. You see, for the second time in my life, I have witnessed a national event...a "trial of the century", only to have it end in an epic travesty of justice. The first, of course, was the acquittal of OJ Simpson in the murder of Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman. It's too bad that OJ went to jail on other charges a year or so ago. I hear he was close to finding the "real killer" under a car in the parking lot (eye roll).
So yesterday, Casey Anthony was acquitted in the murder of her 3 year old daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony. Part of me is shocked and part of me is, sadly, not surprised at all. I think the ball was dropped by 2 major players in this little game of justice. First, the Orange County Sheriff's Department dropped the ball by failing to investigate the first phone call from Roy Kronk, the utility worker who found Caylee's remains. If they had gone THEN, there would have been much more of Caylee available for examination. This is crucial because it would have proven what the murder weapon was...chloroform. Instead, with nothing left by "dry bones" as they put it, the only tangible item that could be construed to be the murder weapon was the duct tape. That is where the prosecution dropped the ball.
You may agree or disagree with me, but here is my theory on what happened to Caylee Marie Anthony...
Casey Anthony was so wrapped up in her boyfriend Tony that she lost all ability to reason and use common sense. She couldn't leave Caylee with her mother because she knew Cindy would not tolerate her abandoning her daughter for a man. So, she and Tony devised a means of making Caylee sleep so they could party. First they tried Xanax, a powerful adult sleep-aid and anti-anxiety medication. They joked about giving Caylee Xanax, calling it her "nanny" or her babysitter, hence the creation of Zanny the Nanny. Zanny was never a person, but rather the drug that babysat Caylee so that they could party. At some point, the Xanax began to be ineffective. Even a 3 year old will build up a tolerance to medications. Perhaps there was a night when little Caylee, having been given Xanax, just would not go to sleep fast enough. So Casey becgan to think. How do they do it in the movies? What do they use to make people pass out? Chloroform! Just put some on a cloth and hold it over Caylee's mouth and voila! She's alseep!
Well, obviously, you can't just go out and buy chloroform. So Casey googled it on the home computer while her mother was at work. She bought what she needed and made her own chloroform to use on Caylee. Then the question arose as to WHERE to put the unconscious Caylee. They couldn't leave her in the apartment. What if she woke up and called 911? What if she wondered off? Someone would find her and the jig would be up. They couldn't put her in her car seat and then park the car at the bar. People would surely see Caylee and call the authorities. So, Casey the brainiac put Caylee in the trunk of the car, probably thinking that she would come out between drinks and dances and check on her. When she did, Caylee was dead. Was it a chloroform overdose? Perhaps. Was it heat? Perhaps. It would have been mid-June in Florida after all. Or was it the lack of oxygen in the trunk. Maybe without the chloroform, a normal person could breathe in a trunk. But the respiratory depression caused by the chloroform was too much for the oxygen-deprived environment.
Casey found Caylee dead in the trunk and didn't know what to do. She left her in the trunk for a few days while she tried to figure it out. Finally, after a few days, she decided to bury Caylee in her parents' backyard. You see, Cindy and George thought Casey and Caylee were at a conference and going to amusement parks. So Casey waited until her parents were not home. She went to their house, took Caylee out of the trunk and laid her in the back yard near her playhouse. This is why the cadaver dogs alerted to the back yard of the Anthony home. Casey thought, since her dad had already freaked out about the gas can, that she had better not use his shovel to dig the hole. He would surely notice something. So, despite there being 3 shovels in the Anthony's shed, Casey borrowed a shovel from the neighbor. At some point she either decided it was too much work or perhaps too time consuming and she became fearful that her parents would come home while she was burying Caylee. So she decided on another plan. In the meantime, she saw something very disturbing. Flies had infested Caylee's little body and were crawling in and out of her nose and mouth. So, Casey went to her father's garage and got duct tape to cover Caylee's mouth and nose to stop the flies. Some small part of her felt remorseful so she got one of Caylee's little heart stickers and placed it over the duct tape that covered Caylee's face. While she was in the garage, Casey also got the bags to wrap Caylee in. She bundled up her little girl and put her back in the trunk. She drive her down the road about 5 blocks and tossed her into the swamp. Then, she returned to her boyfriend and continued her carefree party life.
Sick? Yes. Criminal? Yes. Horrible? Yes. Unpunished? Unfortunately, yes. The criminal justice system has failed Caylee Marie Anthony. It is all we can hope for that this little girl is somehow at peace, despite the travesties that have taken place. There has been no justice for Caylee.
So yesterday, Casey Anthony was acquitted in the murder of her 3 year old daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony. Part of me is shocked and part of me is, sadly, not surprised at all. I think the ball was dropped by 2 major players in this little game of justice. First, the Orange County Sheriff's Department dropped the ball by failing to investigate the first phone call from Roy Kronk, the utility worker who found Caylee's remains. If they had gone THEN, there would have been much more of Caylee available for examination. This is crucial because it would have proven what the murder weapon was...chloroform. Instead, with nothing left by "dry bones" as they put it, the only tangible item that could be construed to be the murder weapon was the duct tape. That is where the prosecution dropped the ball.
You may agree or disagree with me, but here is my theory on what happened to Caylee Marie Anthony...
Casey Anthony was so wrapped up in her boyfriend Tony that she lost all ability to reason and use common sense. She couldn't leave Caylee with her mother because she knew Cindy would not tolerate her abandoning her daughter for a man. So, she and Tony devised a means of making Caylee sleep so they could party. First they tried Xanax, a powerful adult sleep-aid and anti-anxiety medication. They joked about giving Caylee Xanax, calling it her "nanny" or her babysitter, hence the creation of Zanny the Nanny. Zanny was never a person, but rather the drug that babysat Caylee so that they could party. At some point, the Xanax began to be ineffective. Even a 3 year old will build up a tolerance to medications. Perhaps there was a night when little Caylee, having been given Xanax, just would not go to sleep fast enough. So Casey becgan to think. How do they do it in the movies? What do they use to make people pass out? Chloroform! Just put some on a cloth and hold it over Caylee's mouth and voila! She's alseep!
Well, obviously, you can't just go out and buy chloroform. So Casey googled it on the home computer while her mother was at work. She bought what she needed and made her own chloroform to use on Caylee. Then the question arose as to WHERE to put the unconscious Caylee. They couldn't leave her in the apartment. What if she woke up and called 911? What if she wondered off? Someone would find her and the jig would be up. They couldn't put her in her car seat and then park the car at the bar. People would surely see Caylee and call the authorities. So, Casey the brainiac put Caylee in the trunk of the car, probably thinking that she would come out between drinks and dances and check on her. When she did, Caylee was dead. Was it a chloroform overdose? Perhaps. Was it heat? Perhaps. It would have been mid-June in Florida after all. Or was it the lack of oxygen in the trunk. Maybe without the chloroform, a normal person could breathe in a trunk. But the respiratory depression caused by the chloroform was too much for the oxygen-deprived environment.
Casey found Caylee dead in the trunk and didn't know what to do. She left her in the trunk for a few days while she tried to figure it out. Finally, after a few days, she decided to bury Caylee in her parents' backyard. You see, Cindy and George thought Casey and Caylee were at a conference and going to amusement parks. So Casey waited until her parents were not home. She went to their house, took Caylee out of the trunk and laid her in the back yard near her playhouse. This is why the cadaver dogs alerted to the back yard of the Anthony home. Casey thought, since her dad had already freaked out about the gas can, that she had better not use his shovel to dig the hole. He would surely notice something. So, despite there being 3 shovels in the Anthony's shed, Casey borrowed a shovel from the neighbor. At some point she either decided it was too much work or perhaps too time consuming and she became fearful that her parents would come home while she was burying Caylee. So she decided on another plan. In the meantime, she saw something very disturbing. Flies had infested Caylee's little body and were crawling in and out of her nose and mouth. So, Casey went to her father's garage and got duct tape to cover Caylee's mouth and nose to stop the flies. Some small part of her felt remorseful so she got one of Caylee's little heart stickers and placed it over the duct tape that covered Caylee's face. While she was in the garage, Casey also got the bags to wrap Caylee in. She bundled up her little girl and put her back in the trunk. She drive her down the road about 5 blocks and tossed her into the swamp. Then, she returned to her boyfriend and continued her carefree party life.
Sick? Yes. Criminal? Yes. Horrible? Yes. Unpunished? Unfortunately, yes. The criminal justice system has failed Caylee Marie Anthony. It is all we can hope for that this little girl is somehow at peace, despite the travesties that have taken place. There has been no justice for Caylee.
Friday, April 15, 2011
My Hero, The Astonishing Crusader
We lost a little kitten today. Snowpants was only 8 months old but his life just wasn't meant to be any longer. He was rescued by my friend Barb's sister, Beth, when he, his mother and his two brothers, Skimask and Toboggan, showed up on her farm in the dead of winter. Beth fed them and did her best to care for the feral little felines. And although she enjoyed their presence, she cared enough to want a better life for them. When she called Barb for help, there was no hesitation. Snowpants developed a terrible upper respiratory infection that caused him to stop eating. At his age, he didn't have much wiggle room for weight loss. We consulted the vet and began round-the-clock feedings with prescription, high protein canned food. We gave him sugar and electrolytes to correct his blood values. We gave him milk replacer for the nutrients. Three different antibiotics coursed through his veins. We wiped his little nose almost constantly. And we worried as he just seemed to get sicker and sicker despite our best efforts. At about 4:30pm today, he slipped away to play at the Rainbow Bridge and wait for that fateful day when one of us joins him to cross over. As I was putting away the medical periphernalia after we lost this sweet little boy, I couldn't help but think about my friend Barb. Rescue has made me a little less traumatized by the sadness that accompanies a loss like this. And I wondered if Barb understood what a true hero she really is. The outcome wasn't what we all had hoped for but he died today with food in his belly and love in his heart. You see, far too many cats never know what it is to be loved. They never get a chance to purr. They only know starvation and cruelty. They are more accustomed to be shot at than cuddled. Because Barb ignored the naysayers who would call her crazy and because she knew and understood the adversity she would face by taking on these animals but said to the world, "They need me and I will be there for them," Snowpants got to know kindness. He got to know peace. He got to know love in the truest, most unconditional sense of the word. He was feral...reacting to the cruelties of the world for his own self-preservation. Trust no one! But Barb saw through that. "It's ok Punky Butt," she would say as he hissed and carried on, "You're just scared and that's ok." She accepted him and, above all, posed no threat so that he could learn trust. I believe that everyone should have heroes. Joseph Campbell said, "A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself." I am blessed in my life and in my animal-rescue career to have met a few people I regard as heroes. However, I have met but one Astonishing Crusader. She is an amazing, spiritual, eclectic, fascinating, caring, kind, generous, determined, gregarious, intelligent, wise, accepting woman who I am proud to call my friend. Barb, please know that, although his life was too short, Snowpants passed away today, having found love and trust. He got a chance to purr and a chance to be held and cuddled. He knew freedom from starvation. He knew warmth. And none of that would have ever happened without you. I am so grateful to know you and to be a witness to your strength of character and extraordinary heart. This world would be a better place if more people were like you. God bless you my friend. The cats are smiling down on you and good things will happen.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Scott Walker and Abortion in America
It's been awhile since I have blogged and I probably should have been saying things about Wisconsin's Nazi Governor all along, but this morning he really hit home. Channel 3 News is reporting that Governor Douchebag's now famous Budget Repair Bill repeals the law passed during the tenure of Governor Jim Doyle (Oh how I miss him!) that requires insurance companies to pay for birth control. This idiot has GOT to be stopped. Has he considered the ramifications here?
Not all birth control for women is used to do as the name implies and prevent pregnancy. Many women take it for the hormonal benefits in fighting acne and for helping with painful conditions such as endometriosis. Endometriosis, according to a women's health website, affects 70 million people worldwide. Does Douchebag think none of them live in Wisconsin? Or does he think that women can just suffer the pain? After all, it's not as painful as childbirth. It's also not as intermittent as labor pains and does not go away when the baby comes out. I think God knew what he was doing when he didn't allow men to get pregnant. Candy asses like Walker would likely kill themselves. (Hmmmm...maybe we are onto something there!)
If that isn't argument enough, what about women that are raped or are being continually sexually abused throughout their lives? Yes, ideally, we would prevent these situations, but wouldn't you AT LEAST be glad that the young lady is on birth control and not having children by her uncle or father? Yeah, that's a good idea, Douchebag! Let's take away the ONLY saving grace these young girls have to not be COMPLETELY scarred for life. It's not bad enough that they are enduring the worst kind of abuse. Let's let them get PREGNANT. Good move, Asshole.
Ok, so let's say that we repeal this very necessary law. According to the Milwaukee Sentinel, Governor Douchebag said during the campaign that he is against abortion, even in cases of rape. (Here is where I really get on my soapbox so watch out!) I am sick and tired, fed up and completely disgusted with people who want to preach about abortion being against their religion, immoral, unethical and blah, blah, blah. NONE OF THAT MATTERS!! What these people fail to realize is that none of these factors have any place in law. The laws are created to protect the masses. Remember when Spock was dying in the chamber in Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan? His dying words were, "The good of the many outweighs the good of the few or the one." AMEN! (Flashing the Vulcan finger symbol!)
Let's address religion. Religion is the LAST thing our laws should consider. This country's existence is based on the desires of our Founding Fathers to separate church and state. If not for the disgruntlements with the Church of England, who knows what would have happened. We would all likely be Native American, hunting and gathering and carrying water jugs on our heads from the nearest river. Or we would be European and "North America" would seem as backwards and aboriginal as some African countries do to us today. The First Amendment to the U. S. Constitution reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..." It's right there in black and white, ratified in 1791, some 220 years ago. That means that the United States is a virtual bowl of Fruit Loops with each color representing a different religion, all of which are existing together in the same bowl. There are plenty of green Catholics, orange Lutherans, red Jews, yellow athiests and pink Baptists, just to name a few. Each has their own beliefs to form their circle and display their color and perhaps they bump up against the other religions, but their integrity remains and they do not change shape or color and conform to the other religions in the bowl. That is how it is meant to be. Each is entitled to their own beliefs and existence within the bowl. Therefore, no single religion's beliefs should have absolute influence on the laws that govern the entire bowl.
Now let's address morals and ethics. They are a little bit different. As religious beliefs should never be considered in the making of laws, morals and ethics should, but their consideration should be severely limited. I say this only because each and every person in America has their own set of morals and their own idea of ethics. Again, laws should be made for the masses, not the few. If that is done correctly, morals and ethics are not an issue. Only when we have Douchebags like Scott Walker trying to make laws, do they come into question. I can't believe that he thinks that taking birth control away from a woman who has been raped is moral or ethical. Sure, he will argue that he is not "taking away" birth control. He is simply not forcing insurance companies to pay for it. So the 16 year old runaway on the streets in Milwaukee who is still, thankfully, covered by her parents' insurance just has to pray she doesn't get pregnant when she is out turning tricks as a matter of survival. It's ugly, yes, but if Douchebag thinks it doesn't happen in Wisconsin, I have news for him.
The ONLY thing that has a place in our laws is LOGIC. We MUST employ the use of logic in order to make sure the laws are best for the masses and do not cater to the few or the one. Will every law please everyone? Certainly not. I'm not happy that I can't drive more than 65 mph on the interstate. But does it keep me and other drivers safer? Sure it does. And that is why it is the law. It's LOGICAL that slower speeds cause less horrific crashes and enable the driver to better keep the vehicle under control, especially in the event of a blown tire, etc.
Now let's talk about Roe vs. Wade. In 1973, the U. S. Supreme Court ruled that, as part of the right to privacy, women had the right to abortion. This was to be regulated by each state under strict guidelines regarding the age of the fetus (the trimester of pregnancy) and risks to the mother. So what was going on prior to 1973? According to the website http://www.physiciansforlife.org/, 17 states had legalized abortion in 1972, the year before Roe v Wade was ruled upon. In those 17 states, 587,000 women got abortions. That averages out to 34,529 abortions per state. I am sure there was some cross-over (ie. people traveling from other states where abortion was illegal to states where it was legal.) In 1973, when Roe v Wade was ruled upon and abortion became legal in all states, that number jumped to 744,600. So, for the sake of argument, let's say that the numbers of women needing abortions were the same in 1972 and in 1973. That means that 176,600 women, in 1974, got their abortions illegally. What does that mean? That means they had three options. The first was a physician in the United States was willing to do it illegally, probably after hours without assistance and not under the most sterile conditions. This option was the best if the woman was lucky enough to find such a physician. Or it meant traveling to other countries, most likely Mexico, where conditions were not sterile and methods were not medically advanced and, therefore, safe. The person performing the abortion may have been a doctor or he may have been a drunk from the local taberna just looking to make some cash. Or, third, it meant doing it themselves with items such as wire coat hangers. Sometimes women took drastic measures such as drinking poisons or throwing themselves down a flight of stairs in an effort to dislodge the fetus. Is this really what Douchebag is suggesting we return to? I submit that it is.
The bottom line, and my well-thought-out-but-rambling point here is simple: In the year 2011 in the United States of America, the most technologically advanced nation in the world, WE CANNOT SEND WOMEN BACK TO ALLEYS WITH COAT HANGERS!! Forget about religion, ethics and morals. It is ILLOGICAL that we would allow this to happen. If a woman desperately wants or needs an abortion, it is clear that she will find a way to get one. Shouldn't we protect her so that it is at least safe? In 1983, just 10 years after Roe v Wade, 1,575,000 women got legal abortions. How many of them would have gone to the drastic measures I mentioned above if not for Roe v Wade? Regardless of whether or not we think abortion is right in the eyes of God...whheter or not we think it is moral...whether or not we think it is ethical...it IS going to happen. Did we learn nothing in this country from the 18th Amendment (ratified in 1919) that outlawed the use of "intoxicating liquors" and established an era in our history known as "Prohibition?" Well, in case you have forgotten your history lessons...IT DIDN'T WORK! It was repealed by the 21st Amendment in 1933, but not until we saw a HUGE boom in violent and organized crime. We repealed it because we realized it was causing more problems than it solved. People who wanted to drink were going to do it, regardless of the law. John D. Rockefeller (Recognize that name?) wrote the following words to the Supreme Court:
"When Prohibition was introduced, I hoped that it would be widely supported by public opinion and the day would soon come that the evil affects of alcohol would be recognized. I have slowly and reluctantly come to believe that this has not been the result. Instead, drinking has generally increased; the speakeasy has replaced the saloon; a vast army of lawbreakers has appeared; many of our best citizens have openly ignored Prohibition; respect for the law has been greatly lessened; and crime has increased to a level never seen before."
Abortion is no different. So save your religious arguments. Save your ethical ramblings. Save your moral high horse. Abortion MUST remain legal to keep those who will do it anyway, safe. It's the logical thing to do. And it starts with not taking away the only ability some women have to obtain birth control. Scott Walker is a dictator and a dangerously misguided politician with unfortunate power. But, as Abe Lincoln said in the Gettysburg Address in 1863, "...this nation under God shall have a birth of new freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth." Scott Walker must go.
(Getting down off my soapbox...)
Not all birth control for women is used to do as the name implies and prevent pregnancy. Many women take it for the hormonal benefits in fighting acne and for helping with painful conditions such as endometriosis. Endometriosis, according to a women's health website, affects 70 million people worldwide. Does Douchebag think none of them live in Wisconsin? Or does he think that women can just suffer the pain? After all, it's not as painful as childbirth. It's also not as intermittent as labor pains and does not go away when the baby comes out. I think God knew what he was doing when he didn't allow men to get pregnant. Candy asses like Walker would likely kill themselves. (Hmmmm...maybe we are onto something there!)
If that isn't argument enough, what about women that are raped or are being continually sexually abused throughout their lives? Yes, ideally, we would prevent these situations, but wouldn't you AT LEAST be glad that the young lady is on birth control and not having children by her uncle or father? Yeah, that's a good idea, Douchebag! Let's take away the ONLY saving grace these young girls have to not be COMPLETELY scarred for life. It's not bad enough that they are enduring the worst kind of abuse. Let's let them get PREGNANT. Good move, Asshole.
Ok, so let's say that we repeal this very necessary law. According to the Milwaukee Sentinel, Governor Douchebag said during the campaign that he is against abortion, even in cases of rape. (Here is where I really get on my soapbox so watch out!) I am sick and tired, fed up and completely disgusted with people who want to preach about abortion being against their religion, immoral, unethical and blah, blah, blah. NONE OF THAT MATTERS!! What these people fail to realize is that none of these factors have any place in law. The laws are created to protect the masses. Remember when Spock was dying in the chamber in Star Trek 2, The Wrath of Khan? His dying words were, "The good of the many outweighs the good of the few or the one." AMEN! (Flashing the Vulcan finger symbol!)
Let's address religion. Religion is the LAST thing our laws should consider. This country's existence is based on the desires of our Founding Fathers to separate church and state. If not for the disgruntlements with the Church of England, who knows what would have happened. We would all likely be Native American, hunting and gathering and carrying water jugs on our heads from the nearest river. Or we would be European and "North America" would seem as backwards and aboriginal as some African countries do to us today. The First Amendment to the U. S. Constitution reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..." It's right there in black and white, ratified in 1791, some 220 years ago. That means that the United States is a virtual bowl of Fruit Loops with each color representing a different religion, all of which are existing together in the same bowl. There are plenty of green Catholics, orange Lutherans, red Jews, yellow athiests and pink Baptists, just to name a few. Each has their own beliefs to form their circle and display their color and perhaps they bump up against the other religions, but their integrity remains and they do not change shape or color and conform to the other religions in the bowl. That is how it is meant to be. Each is entitled to their own beliefs and existence within the bowl. Therefore, no single religion's beliefs should have absolute influence on the laws that govern the entire bowl.
Now let's address morals and ethics. They are a little bit different. As religious beliefs should never be considered in the making of laws, morals and ethics should, but their consideration should be severely limited. I say this only because each and every person in America has their own set of morals and their own idea of ethics. Again, laws should be made for the masses, not the few. If that is done correctly, morals and ethics are not an issue. Only when we have Douchebags like Scott Walker trying to make laws, do they come into question. I can't believe that he thinks that taking birth control away from a woman who has been raped is moral or ethical. Sure, he will argue that he is not "taking away" birth control. He is simply not forcing insurance companies to pay for it. So the 16 year old runaway on the streets in Milwaukee who is still, thankfully, covered by her parents' insurance just has to pray she doesn't get pregnant when she is out turning tricks as a matter of survival. It's ugly, yes, but if Douchebag thinks it doesn't happen in Wisconsin, I have news for him.
The ONLY thing that has a place in our laws is LOGIC. We MUST employ the use of logic in order to make sure the laws are best for the masses and do not cater to the few or the one. Will every law please everyone? Certainly not. I'm not happy that I can't drive more than 65 mph on the interstate. But does it keep me and other drivers safer? Sure it does. And that is why it is the law. It's LOGICAL that slower speeds cause less horrific crashes and enable the driver to better keep the vehicle under control, especially in the event of a blown tire, etc.
Now let's talk about Roe vs. Wade. In 1973, the U. S. Supreme Court ruled that, as part of the right to privacy, women had the right to abortion. This was to be regulated by each state under strict guidelines regarding the age of the fetus (the trimester of pregnancy) and risks to the mother. So what was going on prior to 1973? According to the website http://www.physiciansforlife.org/, 17 states had legalized abortion in 1972, the year before Roe v Wade was ruled upon. In those 17 states, 587,000 women got abortions. That averages out to 34,529 abortions per state. I am sure there was some cross-over (ie. people traveling from other states where abortion was illegal to states where it was legal.) In 1973, when Roe v Wade was ruled upon and abortion became legal in all states, that number jumped to 744,600. So, for the sake of argument, let's say that the numbers of women needing abortions were the same in 1972 and in 1973. That means that 176,600 women, in 1974, got their abortions illegally. What does that mean? That means they had three options. The first was a physician in the United States was willing to do it illegally, probably after hours without assistance and not under the most sterile conditions. This option was the best if the woman was lucky enough to find such a physician. Or it meant traveling to other countries, most likely Mexico, where conditions were not sterile and methods were not medically advanced and, therefore, safe. The person performing the abortion may have been a doctor or he may have been a drunk from the local taberna just looking to make some cash. Or, third, it meant doing it themselves with items such as wire coat hangers. Sometimes women took drastic measures such as drinking poisons or throwing themselves down a flight of stairs in an effort to dislodge the fetus. Is this really what Douchebag is suggesting we return to? I submit that it is.
The bottom line, and my well-thought-out-but-rambling point here is simple: In the year 2011 in the United States of America, the most technologically advanced nation in the world, WE CANNOT SEND WOMEN BACK TO ALLEYS WITH COAT HANGERS!! Forget about religion, ethics and morals. It is ILLOGICAL that we would allow this to happen. If a woman desperately wants or needs an abortion, it is clear that she will find a way to get one. Shouldn't we protect her so that it is at least safe? In 1983, just 10 years after Roe v Wade, 1,575,000 women got legal abortions. How many of them would have gone to the drastic measures I mentioned above if not for Roe v Wade? Regardless of whether or not we think abortion is right in the eyes of God...whheter or not we think it is moral...whether or not we think it is ethical...it IS going to happen. Did we learn nothing in this country from the 18th Amendment (ratified in 1919) that outlawed the use of "intoxicating liquors" and established an era in our history known as "Prohibition?" Well, in case you have forgotten your history lessons...IT DIDN'T WORK! It was repealed by the 21st Amendment in 1933, but not until we saw a HUGE boom in violent and organized crime. We repealed it because we realized it was causing more problems than it solved. People who wanted to drink were going to do it, regardless of the law. John D. Rockefeller (Recognize that name?) wrote the following words to the Supreme Court:
"When Prohibition was introduced, I hoped that it would be widely supported by public opinion and the day would soon come that the evil affects of alcohol would be recognized. I have slowly and reluctantly come to believe that this has not been the result. Instead, drinking has generally increased; the speakeasy has replaced the saloon; a vast army of lawbreakers has appeared; many of our best citizens have openly ignored Prohibition; respect for the law has been greatly lessened; and crime has increased to a level never seen before."
Abortion is no different. So save your religious arguments. Save your ethical ramblings. Save your moral high horse. Abortion MUST remain legal to keep those who will do it anyway, safe. It's the logical thing to do. And it starts with not taking away the only ability some women have to obtain birth control. Scott Walker is a dictator and a dangerously misguided politician with unfortunate power. But, as Abe Lincoln said in the Gettysburg Address in 1863, "...this nation under God shall have a birth of new freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth." Scott Walker must go.
(Getting down off my soapbox...)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Inner Strength
It's that power that comes from within you. It's that ability to pick up your head and hold it high, even in the face of the most difficult adversity. It's the strength to say, "This is who I am. This is what I believe in. And it is not up to you to approve." The last 24 hours have been an amazing personal journey for me and I woke up this morning with a kind of inner strength I didn't know existed. In my greatest defeat, I have found the ability to declare victory. You see, I have never been a quitter. I have never been one to be passive when I feel like things are not just. I have never been able to keep my mouth shut when someone is picking on the underdog. And I have always been one to believe in hope with every fiber of my being to the very bitter end. After 7 years of fighting with members of my family, I decided yesterday to just be done with it. I felt defeated. I felt like I had lost. It was a kind of mourning that I am all too familiar with after the loss of my brother in October. But this morning when I woke up after a restless night, I was reminded of something my former sister said to me once. There is a certain irony to the fact that she is the one who said it, but it has been something I have always carried with me. In the late 1990s I was struggling with my decision to leave EMS, a career that I absolutely loved. Thairn left a message on my answering machine in which she said, "Today is a new day. The sun is shining and everything is going to be just fine." It was simple, but to the point and it has remained my mantra all of these years. So, today I greet the day with a renewed inner strength, given to me not only by the words of my former sister so long ago, but also by the support and encouragement of some of the most outstanding people on the planet...my friends. Rodney told me last night (in between trying to lecture me) that I don't have a choice when it comes to family. He said I am a member of the Shields family and I can't change that. To that I say, HA! WATCH ME! I choose my friends to become my family. In my loss, I have gained more brothers and sisters than I ever had before. And those members of the Shields family who feel they can see through the lies and not sit in judgement of me, have reached out to me and I have accepted that they will remain family. But they understand that they are my family without the involvement of the others who have chosen to force this separation. Letting go is difficult for me because I am a fighter. I am a Leo, the king of the jungle, the toughest of the tough. Walking away is not in my nature and the realization that, in this case, walking away is victory has been very difficult. It is a thought process that is foreign to me on every level. But, ironically, it was again my former sister Thairn who brought me to this realization. You see, when Christmas was appraoching, she sent me a text message stating that she was having a family dinner on the 25th and that I was invited. When I didn't respond, she followed with a message that said, "Let's clear this up...inviting u the 25th - is not an apology - its an invitation to be civil." When I respectfully declined and said that I preferred to spend Christmas with people who love me I was told that she would rather spend Christmas with people who don't use others. So I planned my own dinner on the 26th and, not surprisingly, did not invite Thairn. I was told yesterday that Thairn was quite upset, even crying, that I did not invite her. Initially I was confused as to why she ever thought I would invite her after he less-than-welcoming invitation to me. Then I realized that this is all part of the game. For whatever reason, certain members of my former family feel the need to treat me like crap and then expect me to respond lovingly. That makes sense because they know that my love for them has always been and will always be unconditional. So why wouldn't I do the right thing and invite her even though she was a total bitch to me? Well, sorry, but not this time. There is a new sheriff in town and this sheriff doesn't want to ride this emotional rollercoaster anymore. I am off and I am not buying any more tickets. I have come to the realization that all hope of a relationship with them is lost and I am learning to be ok with it. Every day, my inner strength will grow and eventually, they will not be able to ever hurt me again. Someday they will find themselves wondering whatever happened to me, as we have lost contact over the years. I won't be available to answer that question for them.
So, today is, in fact, a new day. The sun is, in fact, shining and everything will, in fact, be just fine. God bless.
So, today is, in fact, a new day. The sun is, in fact, shining and everything will, in fact, be just fine. God bless.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Time Stamps
Today is the first day of the new year and I find myself thinking about the events of my last 39. It is interesting to me how everything in life seems to be related to time stamps, those moments in time when the world stopped turning and lives changed, whether it was for the better or the worse and whether it was personal or not. We all remember where we were on September 11, 2001. Those of you who are my age remember where you were when President Reagan was shot or when either of the space shuttles blew up. We remember the assassination of John Lennon and the election of each president. And then there are personal time stamps. We remember the exact moments that our children are born and where we were when we heard of the passing of a loved one. I think that is what has me thinking about this. It is now 2011, the first year we will experience without Roy. It is a moment in time that will forever burn in my memory and I will forever refer to life events as "before Roy died" or "after Roy died." It is now a reference point in memory. When I try to recall an event in the years to come, I will know how old I was when it occurred based on whether or not my brother was still alive. "I must have been in my thirties when that happened, because Roy was still alive." It is so strange to me that we use these reference points when we have the year itself as a reference point. "That happened in 2009" will become "That happened the year before Roy died."
I'm not sure I have a point to this blog, other than the fact that I am thinking about the past as much as the future as we enter the new year. Maybe I am a little freaked out about turning 40 this year. I mentioned it the other day and my former sister-in-law said, "You can't be 40. You are still 13." which is how she remembers me because that was the age I was when she and my brother divorced. It just proves my point about time stamps. Maybe the answer here is that we need fewer negative time stamps in our lives and more positive ones. As I look back at my life, the time stamps are largely negative. I need to refocus. I need to change those timestamps. Maybe Ray and Kim divorced in 1984, but their daughter was born in 1981 and their son in 1982. Those should be my time stamps. So, in 2011, I resolve to change my time stamps in my mind to positive ones. 2010 will always be "the year we lost Roy" but 2011 doesn't have to be "the year I turned 40." Instead it can be "the year I lost all that weight and regained my health." How is THAT for a New Years resolution?
I'm not sure I have a point to this blog, other than the fact that I am thinking about the past as much as the future as we enter the new year. Maybe I am a little freaked out about turning 40 this year. I mentioned it the other day and my former sister-in-law said, "You can't be 40. You are still 13." which is how she remembers me because that was the age I was when she and my brother divorced. It just proves my point about time stamps. Maybe the answer here is that we need fewer negative time stamps in our lives and more positive ones. As I look back at my life, the time stamps are largely negative. I need to refocus. I need to change those timestamps. Maybe Ray and Kim divorced in 1984, but their daughter was born in 1981 and their son in 1982. Those should be my time stamps. So, in 2011, I resolve to change my time stamps in my mind to positive ones. 2010 will always be "the year we lost Roy" but 2011 doesn't have to be "the year I turned 40." Instead it can be "the year I lost all that weight and regained my health." How is THAT for a New Years resolution?
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