Time Stamps

Today is the first day of the new year and I find myself thinking about the events of my last 39. It is interesting to me how everything in life seems to be related to time stamps, those moments in time when the world stopped turning and lives changed, whether it was for the better or the worse and whether it was personal or not. We all remember where we were on September 11, 2001. Those of you who are my age remember where you were when President Reagan was shot or when either of the space shuttles blew up. We remember the assassination of John Lennon and the election of each president. And then there are personal time stamps. We remember the exact moments that our children are born and where we were when we heard of the passing of a loved one. I think that is what has me thinking about this. It is now 2011, the first year we will experience without Roy. It is a moment in time that will forever burn in my memory and I will forever refer to life events as "before Roy died" or "after Roy died." It is now a reference point in memory. When I try to recall an event in the years to come, I will know how old I was when it occurred based on whether or not my brother was still alive. "I must have been in my thirties when that happened, because Roy was still alive." It is so strange to me that we use these reference points when we have the year itself as a reference point. "That happened in 2009" will become "That happened the year before Roy died."

I'm not sure I have a point to this blog, other than the fact that I am thinking about the past as much as the future as we enter the new year. Maybe I am a little freaked out about turning 40 this year. I mentioned it the other day and my former sister-in-law said, "You can't be 40. You are still 13." which is how she remembers me because that was the age I was when she and my brother divorced. It just proves my point about time stamps. Maybe the answer here is that we need fewer negative time stamps in our lives and more positive ones. As I look back at my life, the time stamps are largely negative. I need to refocus. I need to change those timestamps. Maybe Ray and Kim divorced in 1984, but their daughter was born in 1981 and their son in 1982. Those should be my time stamps. So, in 2011, I resolve to change my time stamps in my mind to positive ones. 2010 will always be "the year we lost Roy" but 2011 doesn't have to be "the year I turned 40." Instead it can be "the year I lost all that weight and regained my health." How is THAT for a New Years resolution?