A Letter to 2011

Dear 2011,

Your much anticipated arrival will occur tonight, promptly at the stroke of midnight. I will be there to meet you, as I have been for the last 40 years. Now, I want you to know that, this time, I have certain expectations. You see, 2010 was the bad tenant that every landlord wants to kick out. He sucked big green lugies on many levels and I am just not willing to let you get away with the same crap. 2010 took my uncle, my favorite cousin and my brother away from me. 2010 took three of my babies, Ozzie, Tucker and Ace away from me. And 2010 took my sanctuary away from me. So, here is the thing. Behavior such as that will not be tolerated. Here is a list of things I expect from you, 2011. These points are not negotiable and you shouldn't bother showing up tonight if you cannot comply.

First, I expect kindness. Someone told me once that you should reap what you sow. Well, I am not perfect, but I try to be nice to my fellow man. How about some of that reaping? And, I would appreciate it if you would be kind to my friends as well. Take Barb for instance. No one has a kinder heart, for animals and for humans. How about being nice to her for a change and giving her the self-esteem and drive she needs to find someone in her life who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated?

Secondly, I expect health. Again, this applies to me and to those I care about. Let's start with Lisa. On February 3rd, she will receive her kidney transplant. That is a good start, but I really don't think she deserves to go through rejection or any other complications. And in regard to my mother: She will be 76 in January and she just can't tolerate illness. 2010 caused her a lot of stress, especially when her son died. So, I am here to say that she better stay healthy or you and I are going to rumble. Furthermore, I have been working hard on a healthier lifestyle and I would appreciate it if you would just allow me to continue on that path and not give me any stupid illnesses like pneumonia or the flu.

Thirdly, I expect peace. 2010 was nothing but drama and I am completely fed up with it. From you, I expect serenity and inner peace. I will do my part to achieve this, but if you would kindly keep the drama to a minimum, I would be thrilled.

Fourth, I expect resolution. I will need a place to live where I can keep my dogs and some of the cats. It is a tall order but there is no way I am parting with them. If that is not possible, you might as well get ugly and take me out, because my life will not be worth living. I have major obstacles in my path to achieving this goal, so I am counting on you to resolve the problem. Somewhere out there is someone who is willing to let me rent-to-own their farm because they love animals and can see that I do too. Bring me that person! And while you are at it, resolve the issues that plague my friend Stacy and her family. She is a good soul with a kind heart and she doesn't deserve all the stress.

Finally, I expect renewed strength. 2010 nearly defeated me and I am tired. I need renewed strength to build the wall that will stop my family members from hurting me. I need strength to rehome 100 cats and send them off into the virtual unknown. And I need strength to get through the daily grind of life.

I hope you understand my demands and will comply accordingly. Again, these conditions are not negotiable. I do hope to see you tonight at midnight. I'll be the one in the pointed hat with the kazoo in my mouth.