If You Aren't Going to Listen, Don't Ask

When you have a leaky pipe, do you call a plumber and then tell him he isn't fixing it correctly? When your car breaks down, do you stand over the mechanic's shoulder and say, "No, I think you should turn that clockwise?" Of course you don't. Why then, when people call me to help them with their cat problems, do they argue with everything I say? I cannot even begin to convey the amount of frustration this causes me. So, here it is, folks...my simple rule. IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO ME, DON'T CALL ME!

Last night, I responded to a call from a family who found three abandoned kittens in the woods behind their house. The kittens are about 12 weeks old and just big enough to be scared and bite really hard. So I drove out to their rural home to take a look. At first, they seemed very grateful that I was there and had responded so quickly. I was glad they were showing concern over the kittens because, all too often, I deal with people who just don't care. But then the conversation went downhill...fast. "Let me get you some thick gloves," the mother said. "No thank you," I replied, "I don't need gloves." "Oh yes you do!" she insisted, "The black one is wild." "No, I am better without them, but thank you. I can't use gloves when I handle feral cats." "You are going to want them, I'm telling you," came the reply. I said, "No thank you. I don't wear gloves when I handle feral cats because I can't feel the animal in my hands. It makes me more likely to get bitten and the animal is more likely to get away. Trust me, I am better without them." "Well, let me get them for you anyway. You are going to want them."

I wondered at that point how they knew the black kitten was wild. As it turns out, they had already caught 2 of them, but then released them prior to my arrival. Are you wondering why? So am I :-s.

So the daughter leads me to the area where the kittens were last seen. Behind us is her boyfriend who is YELLING, "Hey! Do you want me to bring the truck down and shine the headlights into the woods?" As the daughter is contemplating this hairbrained request, I am saying, as politely as I can, "No, let's hold off on that." In my mind, I am thinking, "Yes, THAT's what we need! A huge truck with a diesel engine and bright lights! THAT won't scare these little kittens..." I couldn't help but shake my head.

So we head down the hill and I almost immediately see one of the kittens, a little calico. So I say hello to her and offer her some food. She draws within 3 feet of me, indicating that she is clearly not feral. However, she is definitely nervous. It may have something to do with the 2000 candle flashlight the boyfriend has behind me and his loud voice saying, "I don't see the other two!" So I climb up into the woods and attempt to make friends with this little one. She isn't running away, but she isn't readily eager to approach me either. So after mulitple attempts to get closer to her, frustrated by the fact that neither of my "helpers" will shut up for 10 seconds, I mention that I may have to set live traps. "Oh, no, I don't think you should use traps," comes the reply. "What if a raccoon gets in there?" "Then I release it," I said. "What if the coon gets in the trap WITH the kitten?" she asks. "That cannot happen," I said, "unless the kitten is riding on the raccoon's back when it enters the trap, there is no way they can be in there together." "Well, I don't think you should use traps." So I calmly explain how the traps work and that, in 6 years, I have never had a cat injured by a humane box trap. "Still, I don't think you should use them," she says. Now, please keep in mind that she is basing this decision on the fact that her boyfriend was able to grab two of the kittens with his hands. However, he apparently got scratched pretty badly and, clearly, was unable to get the third one. When they put the black kitten in the kennel, the cat went crazy, bouncing off the walls of the kennel. So, they released it. Well, guess what...now that kitten is going to be very nervous and extremely difficult to catch in that manner again.

As I was in the woods and the pair of Einsteins accompanying me were on the periphery playing with their flashlights and talking in loud voices, I spotted another kitten. It was the friendly tabby who they had said came right to them when they caught her earlier. I called to her and then watched her run for her life as the boyfriend yelled, "Oh I see her!" and ran into the woods after her. "She is the friendly one," he said later. "I am amazed she didn't come right to you." Again, I couldn't help but shake my head. I tried to explain that, in the dark, I am not a human figure, I am just a bright light and a voice. I don't think I explained that well enough.

So I decided that the evening was going to be non-productive and there was no point in pursuing these kittens with the "help" that I had. I said I would come back the next day. The daughter proceeded to tell me her schedule, as if I was eager to have her join me in my attempts to catch the kittens. When I said it was pointless to try to see the kittens in the height of the afternoon, I was told I was wrong. I tried to explain that cats are nocturnal, having originated in the desert of Egypt, and are more active in the morning and evening when it isn't hot outside. I was told it wasn't going to be hot out the next day. That was not the point I was trying to make. So I said I would be back at 5pm. I was told the daughter should be home by then. I could hardly muffle my sarcastic "Oh goody!"

Before I left, we talked about the location of the cats and their proximity to the neighbor's long gravel driveway. The daughter expressed concern about the kittens getting hit because the neighbors drive quite fast up the driveway. We also talked about methods of capturing them. I mentioned again that I would bring traps. "I think you should net them," the daughter said. "I can't net them in the woods," I replied, "The net will snag on everything. Besides, I can't sneak up on them when I am walking on leaves. Their hearing is quite fine tuned, and especially heightened when they are nervous. But if you want to put some food out by the garage, you could draw them out of the woods and that would make netting them feasible." "I think they are ok where they are," she replied. "They are far enough away from the driveway, so let's just leave them there for the night." (Ten seconds ago, she felt they were too close to the driveway. Now, apparently, they are ok.)

At that point, I could do nothing more but leave. I am going back there at 5:00 this evening and I have no intention of putting up with the same crap I did last night. This may get ugly and I am sure they are going to think I am a major bitch. But, I am there for the kittens and to ensure their safety. If they don't want my help, they shouldn't have called me. I know a thing or two about trapping and caring for cats. I don't proclaim to know everything. However, when I have trapped hundreds and you have trapped none...and I have been doing this for 6 years and you have been doing this for 6 minutes...shut up and listen to me. If you still think you know everything, then go ahead and have at it. I have plenty of other things to do. Don't waste my time.

Thank you for letting me vent.