Hi everyone,
It's been quite awhile since I have blogged. It's not that I haven't had anything to say (you all know how opinionated I can be). It's just that I haven't had time. Anyway, I wanted to take a minute today and say THANK YOU to everyone who has rallied around me in the worst times, when things seem impossible and the climb before me insurmountable. I want you all to know that I have a plan in place and I am very optimistic that things are going to get better. Stacy is hard at work helping me find a better paying job. That is step #1. I need to work 40 hours a week and actually have some money to show for it after the rent is paid. And I need to get off of night shift. I thought it would be best for the animals but it is not working at all. The dogs do not want to sleep all night while I am at work and then all day while I am home. FAIL. Then, I need to get the fencing up and get the animals better under control. The dogs need to be able to "let themselves out" and the cats need to be better contained for their safety. Then, I can begin to work on having some sort of "normalcy" in my life where perhaps I could even get some furniture and...oh yeah...electricity. Anyway, at some point I hope to enter into a rent-to-own contract with my landlord and secure the animals once and for all. But, that is all in good time. I am learning patience and, believe me, it is not easy. My entire plan could take years.
Anyway, last night, with having to miss work again and Mom needing care 24/7, I had a bit of a meltdown. As always, a lot of you were there to pick me up and remind me that I am not alone. But I noticed something about myself in this process. When you offered help, I IMMEDIATELY became uncomfortable. "No , no , no," I thought, "I don't want to inconvenience anyone." So I wanted, today, to take a minute to give you an explanation as to why sometimes I may inadvertently make it difficult for you to help with the animals and to let you know that, no matter how much I resist, I truly AM grateful to my core that you are there to help.
In 2004, when I began rescuing animals, I did so under the umbrella of the Columbia County Humane Society and in response to a petition before the Wisconsin DNR to allow the shooting of feral cats. Within a few months, it became painfully clear that the humane society was already spread too thin and I was very much alone in my crusade to rescue feral cats. Don't get me wrong, they are good people who do a lot of wonderful things for animals, but feral cats do not fit the typical image of what a humane society is all about. They depend on their animals to be adoptable. It's their main source of income that allows them to survive another day to rescue another homeless pet. That's just the way it works. So, I went out on my own. In doing so, I suffered the loss of many of my family members who have chosen, in some cases, not to be impartial (to be proud of me is WAY too much to even dream of) but to be downright vicious. Since that fateful day in 2005 when my sister went off the deep end over 4 little kittens, I have agonized over one question: "Why?" Every question I have begins with that word. And I have learned, however painfully, that I will never get answers. The one person who never sat in judgement of me (my oldest brother, Roy), passed away on October 31, 2010. Perhaps his insight...his calm and impartial ways...would have helped me to understand someday. But I will never know.
In the course of rescuing these animals, together, we have suffered many losses, endured many hardships and accomplished the impossible. I have dug in my heels, gritted my teeth and fought with every fiber of my being. And in doing so, I came to believe that there is one person I can count on...one person these animals can count on....and that is me. But I am now beginning to understand that I am wrong. I DO have family and it is all of you. I DO have people I can count on and it is all of you. I don't know if I will ever learn to accept gifts and donations gracefully. I don't know if my "I can do this...I don't need anyone" mindframe will ever change. So, please, if I seem to be making it difficult for you and you just want to help, be persistent. Know that I love you and I appreciate you and the animals and I are better for knowing you. God bless you my friends.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Forget CNN, I'll Show You a Hero
Every year around Christmastime, I see good ol' Anderson Cooper on CNN talking about the prestigious "Hero of the Year" award. And every year I suffer in silence as my mother watches the presentation show. It's interesting, yes, but I would just rather be watching Criminal Minds. It's not at all that I think these fine people aren't deserving of awards and recognition. They certainly are and I recognize and appreciate that the world is a better place because of the things they have dedicated their lives to. I thank them profusely for making the earth better for all of mankind. And I appreciate the fact that they make me think. Heroes come in all shapes and sizes, ages and backgrounds, ethnicities and cultures. I struggle a little with people referring to sports figures and actors as heroes. Are they? They do (I am generalizing) have talent, and the ability to influence people...especially young people. Role models, perhaps...but heroes? Not in my book.
You see, I have been fortunate in my life to come to know people that I regard as true heroes. They are the ones who sacrifice of themselves without blinking. They are the ones who say, "Yes, I can do that..." regardless of what it will take to get it done. They are the ones who walk in when everyone else walks out. They are the ones who stand tall in the face of adversity, dig in their heels and say, "I will not lose this battle. I WILL prevail." They are the Cassie Richardsons of the world who, in the face of great personal loss, get back on their feet and say, "I am here to make a difference." They are the Stacy Van Wormers of the world who see suffering and, even though they didn't cause it, say, "Come here, little one, I will help you." They are the Rebecca Kruegers of the world who work hard every day and still say, "Stand with me! This fight is not over and, together, we can handle this!" They are the Lisa Drurys of the world who, under the weight of tremendous personal struggle, say, "It's ok...I'm here for you no matter what." And they are the Barb Ulrichs of the world who look into the eyes of a homeless cat, see an old friend and say, "There you are. I've missed you. Come home."
These are true heroes and I am blessed in my life to know them. Cassie, Stacy, Becko, Lisa, Barb...thank you for being MY heroes.
You see, I have been fortunate in my life to come to know people that I regard as true heroes. They are the ones who sacrifice of themselves without blinking. They are the ones who say, "Yes, I can do that..." regardless of what it will take to get it done. They are the ones who walk in when everyone else walks out. They are the ones who stand tall in the face of adversity, dig in their heels and say, "I will not lose this battle. I WILL prevail." They are the Cassie Richardsons of the world who, in the face of great personal loss, get back on their feet and say, "I am here to make a difference." They are the Stacy Van Wormers of the world who see suffering and, even though they didn't cause it, say, "Come here, little one, I will help you." They are the Rebecca Kruegers of the world who work hard every day and still say, "Stand with me! This fight is not over and, together, we can handle this!" They are the Lisa Drurys of the world who, under the weight of tremendous personal struggle, say, "It's ok...I'm here for you no matter what." And they are the Barb Ulrichs of the world who look into the eyes of a homeless cat, see an old friend and say, "There you are. I've missed you. Come home."
These are true heroes and I am blessed in my life to know them. Cassie, Stacy, Becko, Lisa, Barb...thank you for being MY heroes.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
My Letter to 2012
Dear 2012,
Well, you arrived last night with all of the usual fanfare and hoopla. Welcome. Last year, I wrote a letter to 2011, letting it know of my expectations and demands for the new year. Yes, I was a bit harsh. But 2010 left much to be desired and I was not going to stand for any repeats of that nonsense. In revisiting that letter, I must say, most of my demands were met and I am a bit sad to see 2011 go. So, 2012, you have a big job ahead of you. Here is what I expect:
In March you will see the conclusion of my court case once and for all. I expect everything to go smoothly. 2011 was kind enough to see to it that the animals and I have a place to live and that none of them had to be euthanized because we were homeless. It was a miracle and one for which I will always be grateful. You, 2012, are responsible for maintaining that miracle. My landlord is facing some issues and I expect them resolved in his favor so that he can maintain ownership of the property. In fact, you could work on convincing him to sell it to me and we would be golden. Let's see some action there.
2011 gave me a job. Although I am grateful, I hate it. So you, 2012, get the responsibility of getting me a better job that pays more. Again, I am grateful for the awesome people that my job has brought into my life, but I could do without the back-stabbers, gossipers and small-minded people who also populate the place. Let's see some action there too. I will do my part (applications, resumes, interviews, etc.) You just connect me to the right people.
Last year about this time, I talked to 2011 about health. My health has been good and, for that, I am grateful. (I could use a little help with the knees.) But let's talk about Lisa. The kidney thing is all good. 2011 was good to her in that regard. But HELLO...the feet? AHEM! That is NOT what I had in mind when I demanded that 2011 be kind to Lisa and her health. So, 2012...seriously...get it corrected. HEALTH means GOOD HEALTH, not just a pulse. So fix it. I want her healthy, feeling good, and able to enjoy each and every day watching Joshua grow up. Enough with the doctors and the medications and all of that crap. I want her healthy this year and every year thereafter. Get it done.
And speaking of health, 2012, I have two names for you...Heather and Helen. Fix it. Get definitive diagnoses and appropriate treatments and make it better. There is no room for excuses. I expect it done. Thank you.
Now let's talk about Barb. You will not find a person with a bigger heart. 2011 was challenging and very difficult. Some things have been resolved and she has some peace of mind. 2012, I would appreciate your continued support in smoothing things out for her. I want you to give her PEACE in her heart, mind and soul. No emergencies, no unexpected expenses, no hardships. SMOOTH SAILING IS THE ONLY ANSWER. Get it done.
Speaking of smooth sailing...I am just going to throw 4 names at you...Mike, Stacy, Amy and Rick. They all faced huge adversities this year and I want that crap to stop. Give them what they need to be ok and to continue to work hard to achieve their goals. They are good people and it is time to reward them, not continue to crap on them. SMOOTH SAILING! (And it would be really nice if you would bestow some hardships on Mike & Stacy's idiot neighbors, rewarding them for their cruelty to animals. I am told that karma is a bitch. Let's see it, ok? Thanks!)
And let's talk about Becko. No one works harder to help other people and animals than Becko does. I expect you to continue to give her heart the capacity it needs to do that. That means withholding any hardships and not allowing anything bad to happen that may leave her feeling defeated or frustrated. Be as kind to her as she is to others. It's a pretty simple equation.
Now...my mom... She will be 77 this year. She has a lot of issues and we are dealing with them. 2011 was a lot kinder to her than 2010 and, again, I am grateful. Please stop with the pain and the struggles. Give her the emotional and physical support that she needs to feel better every day. I am working full time now so I can't be with her as much as she needs. It would be nice if you would kindly get a message (a revelation really) to my siblings and get them to contribute to making her life better. Thank you.
In reagard to Jaime, Roy Michael, Kathy and Mom...2010 was a bitch and I am not happy at all about it. We were all affected by Roy's death on October 31, 2010, but no one moreso than these 4 people. 2011 had the responsibility of being the first year without him. It was the most difficult, I am told. Get easier. I'm not kidding.
And for the rest of my friends and loved ones, I also expect smooth sailing. Nikayla is graduating this year and I would appreciate you withholding any hardships that she may face while job hunting. Don't mess with my Tayda or you and I will rumble. Don't test me. You will regret it.
Now let's talk about the animals. My Alecs is turning 15 in February. He's an old guy and I am grateful that 2011 was so kind to him. You need to continue that trend. Again, I will do my part and provide him with everything he needs to stay healthy and happy. You just have to make sure it works. I cannot and will not imagine my life without him so don't even go there. My world revolves around Alecs and it needs to stay that way in order for me to maintain sanity. This is non-negotiable.
Sarge is turning 11 in October. Keep her healthy. Enough said.
2011 almost took Chance. That kind of bulls**t will NOT be tolerated. Thank God for Dr. Twardowski stepping in and putting 2011 in its place on that one. 2012, you will NOT mess with Chance. It is just not acceptable. He is off limits to you.
The dogs...
Tucker is turning 10 this year. 2011 was not his best year and I am a bit upset about that. He has arthritis in his elbow. He needs his ears resected and now he quite possibly has Von Willebrand Disease. I cannot and WILL NOT lose my big yellow boy so knock it off with the health problems. I want you to come up with an awesome fundraising idea and kindly place it in my head so that Tucker can have the care he needs to stick around for a long time to come. The elbow is most concerning because he can't play like he wants to and there will come a time when he cannot walk without tremendous pain. I will have to make an impossible decision for him and I am not ready for that. Am I being selfish? Oh hell yes I am but I am being selfish on Tucker's behalf. I want a fundraiser so he can have elbow replacement surgery and I don't want the Von Willebrand Disease complicating the surgery. Got it? Good.
Gretchen, Charlie and Barney are all getting up in their years and are turning white around their faces. Their health is good and I would appreciate it staying that way. Don't mess with them or you will mess with me.
Wrigley, Harry & Dawson are turning 5 in May. Harry & Dawson are having orthopedic issues related to their sizes and breeds. I don't want them in pain so knock that off. They are still young pups and I expect you to allow them to act that way. Again, I will do my part with vet appointments, medications and the like. You need to do yours. Wrigley is strong, healthy, smart and beautiful. Keep it that way.
As for the rest of the animals, canine and feline alike, I expect health and happiness. For the cats who are rescued, I expect loving and forever homes. Find them and help them find me.
Now, personally, I expect the strength and stamina that I need to continue to help animals. There are days that it is difficult and there are days that it is impossible. I can handle the difficult ones and I would appreciate an end to the impossible ones. I am not effective when I am in a fetal position in the corner. Clearly, I need to be effective. So...you get the idea. Smooth sailing is the idea but I will settle for just difficult.
I guess that is it for now. The rest goes without saying. Just keep your nose clean and remember that good things are supposed to happen to good people who work hard. I am willing to handle the tough days but you WILL NOT be allowed to make those tough days impossible. If that is your plan, you might as well go back where you came from right now. If you plan to abide by the rules and meet my demands, I welcome you with open arms. Let's work together and continue to improve things. Thank you.
Well, you arrived last night with all of the usual fanfare and hoopla. Welcome. Last year, I wrote a letter to 2011, letting it know of my expectations and demands for the new year. Yes, I was a bit harsh. But 2010 left much to be desired and I was not going to stand for any repeats of that nonsense. In revisiting that letter, I must say, most of my demands were met and I am a bit sad to see 2011 go. So, 2012, you have a big job ahead of you. Here is what I expect:
In March you will see the conclusion of my court case once and for all. I expect everything to go smoothly. 2011 was kind enough to see to it that the animals and I have a place to live and that none of them had to be euthanized because we were homeless. It was a miracle and one for which I will always be grateful. You, 2012, are responsible for maintaining that miracle. My landlord is facing some issues and I expect them resolved in his favor so that he can maintain ownership of the property. In fact, you could work on convincing him to sell it to me and we would be golden. Let's see some action there.
2011 gave me a job. Although I am grateful, I hate it. So you, 2012, get the responsibility of getting me a better job that pays more. Again, I am grateful for the awesome people that my job has brought into my life, but I could do without the back-stabbers, gossipers and small-minded people who also populate the place. Let's see some action there too. I will do my part (applications, resumes, interviews, etc.) You just connect me to the right people.
Last year about this time, I talked to 2011 about health. My health has been good and, for that, I am grateful. (I could use a little help with the knees.) But let's talk about Lisa. The kidney thing is all good. 2011 was good to her in that regard. But HELLO...the feet? AHEM! That is NOT what I had in mind when I demanded that 2011 be kind to Lisa and her health. So, 2012...seriously...get it corrected. HEALTH means GOOD HEALTH, not just a pulse. So fix it. I want her healthy, feeling good, and able to enjoy each and every day watching Joshua grow up. Enough with the doctors and the medications and all of that crap. I want her healthy this year and every year thereafter. Get it done.
And speaking of health, 2012, I have two names for you...Heather and Helen. Fix it. Get definitive diagnoses and appropriate treatments and make it better. There is no room for excuses. I expect it done. Thank you.
Now let's talk about Barb. You will not find a person with a bigger heart. 2011 was challenging and very difficult. Some things have been resolved and she has some peace of mind. 2012, I would appreciate your continued support in smoothing things out for her. I want you to give her PEACE in her heart, mind and soul. No emergencies, no unexpected expenses, no hardships. SMOOTH SAILING IS THE ONLY ANSWER. Get it done.
Speaking of smooth sailing...I am just going to throw 4 names at you...Mike, Stacy, Amy and Rick. They all faced huge adversities this year and I want that crap to stop. Give them what they need to be ok and to continue to work hard to achieve their goals. They are good people and it is time to reward them, not continue to crap on them. SMOOTH SAILING! (And it would be really nice if you would bestow some hardships on Mike & Stacy's idiot neighbors, rewarding them for their cruelty to animals. I am told that karma is a bitch. Let's see it, ok? Thanks!)
And let's talk about Becko. No one works harder to help other people and animals than Becko does. I expect you to continue to give her heart the capacity it needs to do that. That means withholding any hardships and not allowing anything bad to happen that may leave her feeling defeated or frustrated. Be as kind to her as she is to others. It's a pretty simple equation.
Now...my mom... She will be 77 this year. She has a lot of issues and we are dealing with them. 2011 was a lot kinder to her than 2010 and, again, I am grateful. Please stop with the pain and the struggles. Give her the emotional and physical support that she needs to feel better every day. I am working full time now so I can't be with her as much as she needs. It would be nice if you would kindly get a message (a revelation really) to my siblings and get them to contribute to making her life better. Thank you.
In reagard to Jaime, Roy Michael, Kathy and Mom...2010 was a bitch and I am not happy at all about it. We were all affected by Roy's death on October 31, 2010, but no one moreso than these 4 people. 2011 had the responsibility of being the first year without him. It was the most difficult, I am told. Get easier. I'm not kidding.
And for the rest of my friends and loved ones, I also expect smooth sailing. Nikayla is graduating this year and I would appreciate you withholding any hardships that she may face while job hunting. Don't mess with my Tayda or you and I will rumble. Don't test me. You will regret it.
Now let's talk about the animals. My Alecs is turning 15 in February. He's an old guy and I am grateful that 2011 was so kind to him. You need to continue that trend. Again, I will do my part and provide him with everything he needs to stay healthy and happy. You just have to make sure it works. I cannot and will not imagine my life without him so don't even go there. My world revolves around Alecs and it needs to stay that way in order for me to maintain sanity. This is non-negotiable.
Sarge is turning 11 in October. Keep her healthy. Enough said.
2011 almost took Chance. That kind of bulls**t will NOT be tolerated. Thank God for Dr. Twardowski stepping in and putting 2011 in its place on that one. 2012, you will NOT mess with Chance. It is just not acceptable. He is off limits to you.
The dogs...
Tucker is turning 10 this year. 2011 was not his best year and I am a bit upset about that. He has arthritis in his elbow. He needs his ears resected and now he quite possibly has Von Willebrand Disease. I cannot and WILL NOT lose my big yellow boy so knock it off with the health problems. I want you to come up with an awesome fundraising idea and kindly place it in my head so that Tucker can have the care he needs to stick around for a long time to come. The elbow is most concerning because he can't play like he wants to and there will come a time when he cannot walk without tremendous pain. I will have to make an impossible decision for him and I am not ready for that. Am I being selfish? Oh hell yes I am but I am being selfish on Tucker's behalf. I want a fundraiser so he can have elbow replacement surgery and I don't want the Von Willebrand Disease complicating the surgery. Got it? Good.
Gretchen, Charlie and Barney are all getting up in their years and are turning white around their faces. Their health is good and I would appreciate it staying that way. Don't mess with them or you will mess with me.
Wrigley, Harry & Dawson are turning 5 in May. Harry & Dawson are having orthopedic issues related to their sizes and breeds. I don't want them in pain so knock that off. They are still young pups and I expect you to allow them to act that way. Again, I will do my part with vet appointments, medications and the like. You need to do yours. Wrigley is strong, healthy, smart and beautiful. Keep it that way.
As for the rest of the animals, canine and feline alike, I expect health and happiness. For the cats who are rescued, I expect loving and forever homes. Find them and help them find me.
Now, personally, I expect the strength and stamina that I need to continue to help animals. There are days that it is difficult and there are days that it is impossible. I can handle the difficult ones and I would appreciate an end to the impossible ones. I am not effective when I am in a fetal position in the corner. Clearly, I need to be effective. So...you get the idea. Smooth sailing is the idea but I will settle for just difficult.
I guess that is it for now. The rest goes without saying. Just keep your nose clean and remember that good things are supposed to happen to good people who work hard. I am willing to handle the tough days but you WILL NOT be allowed to make those tough days impossible. If that is your plan, you might as well go back where you came from right now. If you plan to abide by the rules and meet my demands, I welcome you with open arms. Let's work together and continue to improve things. Thank you.
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